What is something you do or think about that people would be shocked if they knew?

/u/pogtheawesome had a good one

Very, very carefully planned murders. Not of anyone in particular. Just, ya know, the old "what if I had to murder someone?" scenario I hope we are all familiar with.

Like, you know when in a movie or tv show, there's a murderer, and they're totally fucking it up, and you're like "DON'T TOUCH THE FUCKING DOORKNOB WITH YOUR BARE HANDS! IT'S LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO GET CAUGHT!"

Take it to the top of a mountain, search parties always start in valleys and work up because nobody wants to drag a body uphill. Bury it as deep as possible, cover it with rocks and sticks to stop the ground from caving in when is disintegrates. This is something search parties are told to look for. Bury it head up bc satelites report body-sized holes in the ground, and they look suspicious too. DO NOT put a dead dog on top of it in the hole. A popular post went around saying that if you bury it under a dead dog, a sniffer dog alert will seem like a false alarm. Since that post got popular, they'll be suspicious. Also, I have an even better idea. Instead of throwing a dog in the hole, shoot a wild animal like a deer and put it on top of the hole after you've filled it in. Do not try to cover the hole in any way, as authorities can recognize when a spot looks like someone tried to cover it up. Just put the dead animal there instead and not only will sniffer dogs be rendered useless and your hole covered, but it will account for the soil nitration from decomposition, which would otherwise be a dead giveaway.

Don't live near any mountains? I still got ya covered. Just put it through a meat grinder and freeze it into blocks. Go out on a boat and drop in your frozen chunks. Probably no one will see you, but if they do, say you're chumming for fish. Have fishing poles handy. Probably drop some real chum so you know there will be plenty of fish around to eat your human chum.

Don't live near water? No problem! This is the easiest method. First off, drain the blood in the bathtub and remove the teeth. DO NOT FORGET THE WISDOM TEETH IF THEY HAVEN'T COME IN. Follow the blood with bleach to remove the smell of death. Chop the body into pieces. Somehow, idk how I'm not a plumber, get that shit into your septic tank. (should be easy if you remove your toilet) The bacteria will take care of it, and who the heck looks for a body in a septic tank? I'm not a plumber, so idk if shower drains go to the septic tank, but if they don't, don't follow the body in the tank with bleach bc that will hurt the bacteria population and slow the decomposition.

EDIT: Apparently they do look in septic tanks also bones will be a problem, not just teeth, so lile. Idk don't do that?

Also, like 10 or twenty pigs will take care of a body no problem.

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