I was there once, I'm only marginally older. But I used to make the joke that, I wasn't a virgin at least because I got molested. I'm beginning to process the past a lot differently now. I'm not sure I like the way my brain is changing with age and roughly ten bouts of alcohol withdrawal, the damage I did to my body through my teenage and years and early twenties...

What sucks the most is that it's left me with a pretty intense phobia of kissing or anything to do with the mouth. At work now I'm at the point where I have to leave for a break because people like to eat apples a lot around me and I can't handle it. Back when I lived at home I used to have to leave the dinner table because I couldn't deal with the sounds of my family eating. I don't like having people behind me because it makes me feel vulnerable.

I grew up feeling pretty tough to stupid little shit like this but for some reason it all seems to be breaking down and kind of rapidly so.