tl;dr - If you observe any of these effects, please leave the relationship. I was relatively happy before I got into a relationship with my ex. From week ONE it was constant problem after problem. First she thought she wasn't good for me. She thought I was too perfect and she was flawed. I had to validate the relationship to her. It ended up with her breaking up with my for another guy. Lol. I say "LOL" because it's funny in the saddest way possible. I needed to get anti-depressants after that because I felt like shit. I felt like nobody would ever love me again.
Please don't do it to yourself. Leave before you have permanent damage. No sex, love, money, what have you, is worth this. Love yourself first, them second.
i'll address every point that my ex did.
coming on too heavy and too strong, almost immediately saying they are falling in love with you
No
-constant texts/calls/messages asking about what you are doing and who you are with.
Yes
jealousy of everyone. Trying to accuse you of hitting on every person you speak to.
Possibly, if she did she hid it real well under other arguments.
trying to sperate you from your loved ones.
500% yes. I didn't even realize it until I was friendless and i felt constricted.
you always have to justify any minute you are away from them.
1000% yes. It came to the point where I had to make excuses to be away.
there are a lot of ultimatums.
She didn't give me an ultimatum, I just did X and she said she was going to kill herself.
they do not respect your desire to not have sex.
She thought I had a problem with her. She thought the issue was her and she felt super self conscious.
but threatening to hurt you or themselves
She only did it once. Then I got her into therapy and on medication.
they try to push the idea that you're lucky to be with them and that no one else would find you attractive
"You're so ugly laugh, it's okay, I think you're cute anyways ;]" Nothing like hurting your esteem.
something to look out for is the double face
Constant. If I didn't talk to her enough when we were with a group of friends or make sure SHE was doing alright and if I didn't always include her, she would just do a complete 180. Like 0 to 100 REAL quick, usually WHEN I was with my friends. She would just text me like "i'm not having fun" and then shit just hit the fan. Or more-so shit already hit the fan and there is no redemption. You try to do something about it, "GREAT, now I'm ruining YOUR fun, just go do SHIT with them, you ALWAYS have FUN with THEM." Try to ignore it? You let it stew and you get fucked later on twice as hard.