Being a SM is hard enough, but being a SM who is also a BM is a whole different dynamic. SO and I have twin SD9's 100% during the school year, and BD14 and BS11 are here 50/50. My kids have a great dad and don't require much of SO as far as parenting goes; they have a great relationship, but he mostly defers to me. The skids rely heavily on me to be a motherly figure for them, since BM is across the country and isn't the best at long distance communication (she tries, but it's hard to bond over the phone). I'm expected to love them like I love my own, and I do, but sometimes I feel like my kids miss out because I'm always being so careful to avoid the appearance of favoritism. It sucks. I'm expected to do all the things their mother would do for them, but it is abundantly clear that I am NOT the mother. I'm constantly questioning myself and everything I do, wondering if I'm shortchanging any of the kids, and wondering if I'm damaging the skids' relationship with BM by being a de facto mother in her absence.

I noticed recently that my skids have stopped saying "I love you" to me. They have said it to me for years and years (I've been around since they were 3), just randomly throughout the day, and in return at bedtime, etc, but suddenly, they just...stopped. I gave them hugs at bedtime the other night and said "I love you" and they didn't say it back, and looked visibly uncomfortable when I said it. I have taken it as a cue to back off a little, but it has been hard. I'm hoping that, with time, we can have a more laid-back relationship where they lean more on their dad and mother than they do on me.