I used to have a buddy who we're going to call John. John always told me about these wild-ass parties he'd throw where everyone got all drugged up and drunk, and it always turned into, essentially, and orgy. But these parties always happened when his roommate was out of town, or I was unavailable, or when there were no witnesses. So I had no problem telling him that he's full of shit.

So one day I come home from work and John is waiting for me in my driveway. Turns out he is throwing a party that night, and he wants me to show up; he wants to prove it to me. I'm like, "okay, this should be good."

Well, it was all true. I got topless lap dances from girls I never met; people we're screwing in every room; coke on the roof; keg in the kitchen; weed everywhere.

At some point I'm waiting for the bathroom, and I was first in line. It felt like I was standing there for an hour. I hear two girls laughing and giggling in the bathroom, and then abruptly the door flies open and a really hot-ass blonde comes stumbling out. She is clearly drunk as hell; her friend behind her is also pretty drunk. I raise my hands to catch the woman, and she raises her hands to stop herself as she crashes into me. She laughing and giggling, and looks at my hands, and says: