What strongly entrenched ideas about what's "manly" do men find oppressive?

That’s really bad, is he a colleague or a superior? If he’s making death threats and no one is intervening from a management/ HR position that’s more a reflection on the company. Not you. Might be worth seeing there’s any legal help you might able to get, I don’t know where you are in the world but death threats by gun violence get taken seriously over here (UK). Are you stuck in that job or can is there an alternative employer you can join? If a job isn’t helping your mental health don’t tough it out.

One of my siblings had a breakdown due to work stress a few years ago, we’ve had a few suicide scares since and it is scary, their friends all disappeared as well.

I’m sorry you’re going through this, fortunately I work with a big enough employer (NHS) to be able to move if a job isn’t doing me any good and I’ve been in the role long enough that if I mention an employee is making threats or becoming a problem it gets acted on pretty sharpish.

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