Therapist here - you’re reminding me of a time that I was in my own therapy during my training and my therapist said “you’re a good girl, aren’t you? :)” and I was like ??? and she was like “yyeaaahhh :)” and it absolutely has weirded me out to this day, but this was something that I’ve laughed about with other therapists because even at the time, I understood it to be a well-meaning attempt on her part at connecting with me.

Slip ups like that are usually well-intentioned, but are just the result of a misappraisal of what you need in that moment. Connecting person to person is always imperfect, as we’re getting to know someone (which is much of the job of a therapist), we learn to work by trial and error. The times you notice nothing wrong, or things feel like they’re working, happen to be the times we got it right, but getting it right was still only done through the trial and error that is trying to read and sense another person.

What’s different between our stories is that you felt like your therapist was being confrontational. I’ve also had therapists with this style. It’s still well-intentioned, and an attempt to provide structure and growth through challenge, but that’s not helpful for everyone in every moment. In this moment with you, he got it wrong. And you should let him know how it made you feel and how much you’ve thought about it since - it’ll help both you and him and your therapy to do so.

With the confrontational therapist I had, even when I tried explaining myself several times, over several weeks, I wasn’t feeling understood and I ended therapy. I made that decision not because I believe there’s such thing as a therapist never making a mistake, but because I don’t want to work with a therapist who responds defensively to expression and feedback. Sometimes it’s a fit issue.