Oh man, I'm late with a long one, but it's good. Read the TLDR. This is a story that really needs to be told in person. It would take me 10,000 words to write out all of the awkward examinations and situations I encountered as a result of this, I will just give you a condensed version.
In December 2005 I was 19 years old and serving in the Army in Iraq. We did all of our missions at night and slept through most of the day. I woke up one afternoon with a terrible pain emanating from my balls. It was the same pain you feel about 30 seconds after you've been hit in the nuts. That dull ache that feels like your insides have been scooped out. I laid in my cot for a few hours not wanting to move because moving made it hurt worse before I asked the medic to give it a look. He begrudgingly did before he realized he was a combat medic and didn't know shit about testicles. He took me to see the battalion surgeon and PA and they examined my beanbag with about 10 other medics looking on for "training." They both agreed that I probably had a testicular torsion and had to go to the hospital immediately. The problem was that there wasn't a hospital around that could help me so I was going to have to be medevac'd by helicopter to Baghdad.
After a painful ride in a John Deere Gator to the combat support hospital I got picked up by a Blackhawk and flown to Baghdad. When I got there I had to have an ultrasound confirm my unit's doctors’ diagnosis. The ultrasound was done by a brand new Private E-2 who had probably been in the Army less time than I had been in Iraq. He was being taught how to do an ultrasound on the fly and my cock and balls were his training aids. First he squeezed a dollop of ultrasound jelly on my nuts before using his gloved hand to rub the jelly all over my sack. Got 'em nice and slippery. He then had to be coached on how to do the ultrasound and what to look for. The whole time I just tried to ignore the fact that some dude was fondling my balls. A doctor looked at the results and confirmed the diagnoses. I had a torsion and it had to be corrected or I could lose my testicle. I got rolled into the operating room and stripped down and put on a table. I was naked and surrounded by 10 or so fully scrubbed in nurses when the surgeon came up to the table and said, "OK, I'm just going to try this first..." She was a fit, rather beautiful late 20's brunette. I can't remember her name, but I know it started with a "P," so I normally call her Dr. Pepper when I tell this story. She started manipulating my family jewels and asking me how it felt when she did certain things. Twisting, pulling, turning, massaging. It had been months since I had seen an attractive women, much less had one play with my junk, so I was trying so hard to not get a boner. I just stared at the bright lights above until my eyes hurt. After about ten minutes her prodding ceased to hurt and I told her so. She gave a whoop and yelled "Got it!" It took every ounce of my self control to not be my usual smart ass self and ask "How'd you learn to do that....?"
I got dressed and went to the flight liaison to get a ride back to Ramadi but there weren't any flights going there for 24 hours. I found a corner in a room to crash and went to sleep. I woke up early in the morning because I was cold and uncomfortable and went to the lobby of the hospital and watched the Armed Forces Network for 14 hours. A few hours into my TV watching Dr. Pepper came in the lobby in her physical training uniform. God damn she was pretty. I tried to hide behind the magazine I was reading but she saw me anyway and came and sat beside me on the couch. She started out asking me normal doctor questions (How do you feel today? Are you still in pain?) before moving on to small talk-y questions (What unit are you in? How long have you been here? What kind of missions are you doing?). She then made it awkward by saying things like, "I know you might be embarrassed, but this could have happened to anyone. You didn't do anything wrong." etc. The other soldiers in the room had already stopped what they were doing to eavesdrop, so now they were really WTF'ing. Dr. Pepper eventually left and everyone looked at me like I had a dick growing out of my head for the next hour.
The whole thing was bad enough, but it got worse when I called home later and my dad was freaked out. Because I had gotten medevac'd under an "urgent surgical" designation the person that does casualty notification had contacted my family and told them I had gotten hurt but he had no other info at the time. Needless to say my family was wigging out. I told them I was fine but they kept prodding until I told them what happened. They got a big laugh out of it and made sure to get their jabs in.
I skipped a whole bunch of funny interactions with doctors writing this up and it still came out long. I will need to write a book one day. Also, now you know where my username comes from.
TLDR: In Iraq, got my balls twisted in a knot, hot young female doctor untwisted them in a crowded operating room, had to make small talk with her the next morning.