• When I was 12 or so Ndad tried to get me to work on cars with him. He was restoring a GTO and wanted me to do it with him. The problem was, "I don't want to" and "I don't like this" were not a valid answers. It was an attitude problem that needed correcting. He had nothing positive or encouraging to say, but was constantly critical. I simply internalized it.

• When I was 15, Ndad "taught" me how to drive. Again, he was very critical. I was so tense that I pulled my back while sitting in the car seat. One morning I simply refused to go. They made no effort to understand why. Mom forced me to apologize to dad for hurting his feelings. I was then forced back into the car with him.

• When I was 16, mom made a deal with me that I would call her when I got to school each morning so she knew I'd arrived safe. In exchange, I would only have to do this for one semester of school. But when the semester was up, she reneged on the deal and sobbed, I believe in an effort to manipulate me into agreeing. After a few more weeks, I "lost" the phone.

• When I was 18, not going to college was not an option. I grew up hearing Ndad tell me about his sister who didn't go to college and how it ruined her life, yada yada. I was depressed, suicidal. But not going to college was not acceptable. I flunked out of school. This was met with contempt.

• When I was 20, still depressed, they switched my bedroom with my GCsisters without warning. My bedroom was bigger, and hers was smaller.

• When I was 24, I was back in my parents house after having lost a job and my apartment. I was still depressed, and struggling socially. Ndad came to my bedroom and told me I had two weeks to get out, and if I talked to mom, he would kick me out immediately. He also told me he didn't want me to take my dresser, because it was an antique passed down from my great grandmother. The reason he gave was because he expected me to end up on the street in a month and didn't want the dresser to be ruined. I took the dresser anyway.

• When I was 25, Ndad slapped me for reasons I don't remember. Two days later, I feebly asked for an apology. He refused.

I knew then that he did not and would not ever love me. I thought mom was my ally though, and I maintained a connection with them.

• When I was 27, I cried to mom that I felt that dad had no interest in my life or well-being. A week later, in response to an email I sent him about stuff happening in my life, he replied "that's so interesting". That was the entirety of his email. He couldn't pretend to care.
• Also 27, I decided to cut off ties. But a year later I again lost my job because of emotional problems, and went to my parents for help. Mom grudgingly gave me some money while dad told her, in my presence, that it was a waste and that I didn't deserve it.
• In my 30s, mom discovered I liked to cross-dress. She thereafter treated me with complete contempt and disdain. She would invite me over for dinner, but she barely had a word to say to me at all. I asked Ndad about it because she refused to talk about it, and he said she was upset about my hair (I was growing it out, like I'd always wanted to). His take on it was, if I cut my hair, she'll be nice to me again.
  
• When my GCsister learned about my cross-dressing, she stopped talking to me because of how much it upset mother.
• At this point I transitioned my gender like I'd wanted to for a very long time, but didn't because I knew it would be the last conversation I had with my family. I came out to them in a letter, and also said I was engaged. I received no reply, and for some reason I couldn't seem to reach them by phone.
• A year later they changed their phone numbers without telling me - I found out on Christmas Eve.
  

I don't know how much more I can talk about this. I'm starting to get overwhelmed.