Watching my mom take her last labored breaths in the hospital and knowing my life would never be the same again. She wasn’t conscious any longer (I think this was a blessing for her, as she had such a fear of death), but I’ve never felt so helpless in my entire life. I can’t begin to explain what it was like watching her body turn a purple tint and hearing her groans over the beeping of the monitors (the oncologist said the groans were due to the morphine she had been given). I won’t get more graphic, but seeing the person you love most in this world die decades too soon in front of you obliterates your soul. Walking back into my home and seeing her laundry hanging up from the day before absolutely crushed me. Going through her belongings and finding a hair curler with her hair still in it killed me. I held onto the curler for a while, as it was all I had left of her physical presence. It has been a little over a year since losing her. I’m slowly getting my life back.