I'm a server in a diner-type restaurant, I work on a highly crowded and super busy floor with about six other girls every weekend. It's packed tight, every available inch is filled with breakfasting old people, so there's lots of opportunity for stageplay.

I had a coworker who got miffed at me one day over a drawn-out and boring personal beef, and decided to fake a foul on me worthy of a Columbian soccer player. It's important to the story that she's approximately six feet tall, eight with the hair, has arms and legs like Stretch Armstrong and talks like a Jersey matron in an unusually loud voice. I'm being a little cruel, but check out this shitshow.

I'd exchanged (quiet) words with this girl one day in the dining room, things were getting entertaining, and since I wasn't really looking to play verbal Box the Clown with this girl I turned around and started going toward the kitchen. She promptly ran into me (from behind), threw her arms out like a praying mantis and brayed, "UGH! UGH! DID YOU SEE THAT!?" Top volume, people are trying to eat on all sides. Dinner and a movie, right?

I stopped and turned around, most of the way to the kitchen. All eyes were on her, as she stood there gawping at me, arms flung out. She started flouncing toward me. "You PUSHED me! You pushed me, and I'm going to tell a manager and I'm going to get you fired!"

By now she had reached the spot where I stood, coincidentally blocking her way into the kitchen. As she drew close she started sort of stop-hopping, as if preparing to defend herself should I choose to utilize my telekinesis a second time.

I was starting to lose my temper, I was embarrassed and surprised, so I just half-bowed stiffly at the waist and gestured for her to go on past me. It was that or there'd be another stampede in the walkway. She flounced past me and started hollering in the kitchen, continuing the failure circus. Really not this girl's biggest fan at all.