So as much as it hurts sharing this, i will.

I was the worst case of attention seeking. I mean, when i was 12-15 (when my god awful parents finally decided to get me therapy) i was probably a horrible person.

As of now, i hope i dont want to seem like im trying to get a lot of attention. I am just trying to show you what its like from the person creating the problem.

So i have always lied a lot, but when i was 5 i was molested. of course my parents believed me, but my therapist thinks a bunch of my problems routed from my parents getting no therapy for me because their child wasnt 'messed up.'

Fast forward 6 years and that was the first time my dad raped me. That is also the first time I made up big lies. I would go to school tired from being up nightly (my mom was a nightshift nurse) and my dad was in the Navy. I was on top of that bullied, so i would always play sick and avoid all child contact and just sleep in the nurses office before my mom picked me up to come home. That is when i started lying.

Fast forward another year and i got pulled out of school. I was constantly lying and just making the bullying from other kids worse. When I got in homeschool, since i excelled at violin it was beneficial just to do my 5-6 hours. Which leads to me being put into a college orchestra. I would lie all the time, and once i had all the people on facebook, i thought the only way i could make friends was from lying. So i naturally made 4 other facebook accounts with 'fake names' and bullied myself, so the others would pity me and become my friend. I realized this was very much manipulation. I also cut for attention, and i starved myself for attention. I was bad. I didnt just cut for attention though, i actually cut myself because i hated manipulating and didnt realize i was doing it. I was quickly discovered by parents and grounded for a year. Which didnt stop me for too long. It was pretty un-eventful until i was 14. Then i got a phone. When i got a phone, it was bad again. My parents said "no kik, no snapchat, only instagram and facebook" of course i defied and made a secret snapchat and kik. Lies happening everyday, i would lie about everything from little things like what i ate to big things like my mom not letting me eat. At this point, i was getting molested and raped by my dad a lot and i got fed up. Except since i lied all the time no one believed me when i told. My mom didnt believe me, my sister didnt believe me (even though she admitted to me the week prior to me telling that he did it once to her, then denied and i still havent forgiven her) and my social worker didnt believe me. By the time i was 15 my dad was back at home, and the day he came home i posted (not only for attention and to make people feel bad for not believing me but for the fact i didnt want to live anymore) a suicide note. My parents didnt really care and thought it was for attention and took my phone. Little did they know i had about all my ADHD medication and a bottle of vodka. Which ended up with me getting my stomach pumped and me being in a mental hospital for a while.

I ended up getting emancipated, and i am living with my boyfriend's very accepting family. They understand my problems, and my boyfriend is very much trying to help me now. He knows of these problems, and so do his parents but they are getting me therapy and keeping me away from my family (who i havent talked to in nearly 2 years) and i am on my way to Julliard and i havent told many lies (maybe like "oh that dress is pretty...") and i havent manipulated. I am ashamed of what i have done in the past (the manipulating, the lying, and i used to drink (which i actually didnt display publicly, but i was 14 for gods sake) and cut and starve myself) but you know, ive gotten help and i really believe that sometimes people have something that fucked them up forever (the molesting and my father) but that was no excuse for the things i did to other people by toying with their emotions. I know this is long, but i really hope you took the time to read it and to understand that i feel terribly about everything i have done in the past, and that some people who are attention seeking, its because they have a rough past. Or sometimes something is just wrong with them. Most people feel guilty when they lie and manipulate and are very attention seeking. I just wanted to share my story, so i hope you understand what some people are going through.

Thank you for reading, and i hope i dont get too many comments about how terrible i was when i was younger. To this day i feel guilty everyday about what ive done.