Three years ago tomorrow, my life was severed into before and after. I had gone to work, like any other day. And then the phone calls started. My mom called to tell me that my 19yo niece, who was like my kid, hadn't made it home the night before. And that there had been a fatal car crash on her way home. I waited, praying that it couldn't possibly be her.

I had just gotten the elderly woman I took care of on the toilet when my mom called. "It's her. It's Cara." I will never forget the sound of my mother's voice cracking as she repeated, "it's her." Mom couldn't even say the that Cara was dead. How could she say those words? It was beyond the realm of possibility, right?

I hung up the phone, and not even realizing what I was doing, I dropped to my knees and wailed. Sounds escaped my body that I didn't even know I was capable of making.

I remember that feeling. I don't think I'll ever forget it. The feeling of total and complete hopelessness.