I posted on here a long time ago about this, and it was one of my top-rated comments, so this seems like as good a place as any to vent.

I met Tyler* when I was 6 years old. We played on the same little league basketball and soccer teams, and became very fast friends. Went through middle school and high school together, every dance together, and we were those friends who everyone just knew were going to end up together someday. I can't even remember a point in my life without him.

He is handsome and brilliant and a great all around guy, so naturally as we grew older, I fell in love with him. We went on from high school to the same college, where I was convinced I would finally tell him how I felt. And then he got a girlfriend. No biggie, right? College relationships never last, and I had known him for so long. It was unthinkable that he might stay with someone else.

Their wedding was a few months ago. I went, because it would have hurt him deeply if I didn't, but I had no idea how much it would hurt me. I thought I could handle it and I was just so wrong. Watching his face light up as she walked down the aisle, how absolutely happy and in love he looked, and the way that they shared their first kiss as husband and wife…it tore my heart into little tiny shreds. I always thought 'heartache' was just a word, just a metaphor, but I felt a real, physical pain in my chest, as if someone had reached in and just scraped everything out until there was nothing but a husk behind.

And the whole day I wasn't remembering our long, happy friendship, or assuring myself that someday I would love someone else just as deeply. I remember a few words that were just on this infinite loop in my head; it should have been me. it should have been me. it should have been me.

I'm still pulling myself back together, but typing this out has definitely helped. Everyone out there should learn from my mistake, because even being rejected and losing what we had would have been nothing compared to the hollow, empty ache I feel now.