Ergh. I honestly don't know because I relied on my mother for pretty much everything. My mother was and is the most amazing woman in my life. She gave me a great childhood. I just want to get that out there before I continue.

She wasn't so good with relationships. Her relationship with me was solid, but her relationship with men was not. From the age of 2-12 I was convinced that my father was a man named Ian. My mother and Ian fought a lot and eventually divorced. After that, she decided to tell me that Ian was not my biological father. But I had felt that he was for that whole time, so it still felt a bit like I had lost a dad. He was a cool dude. We played video games together and we did other stuff together. Then one day he was out of my life forever. He was gone. I still have not spoken to him since. The man who helped raised me for at least 10 years of my life was cut off forever.

Mum met a new guy a few years later, moved in with him and his two sons and me. None of us got on at all. The stepdad tried, but we had no common ground. I was the computer girl, I wanted internet and consoles and to be left alone. He thought that was "weird" for a girl. His sons were allowed to run rampant meanwhile, smoking pot and fucking shit up and doing nothing with their lives. Luckily my mum shielded me, but after a few years of shit she finally had enough when I was using the bathroom one morning and one of his sons tried to kick the door in. We moved out, they were out of the picture.

So then we were alone after that, no dad figure for me. My first dad was okay, my second dad and I didn't really get along at all. I've never met my biological dad and I never will. I have no idea who he is. At the age of 28 I honestly do not care about him now, or any of my other "dads", I only care about having a good relationship with my mother. Not having a consistent dad figure may have fucked me up a little, but on the other hand I try to make the best of it and go along and find my male role model figures elsewhere. Bruce Willis in Armageddon for example... he's my ideal father figure. That movie always gets me.

Lion King always fucks me up too.