I've honestly never understood that

I hope, for your sake that you never do, not really. I have suffered with major depressive disorder my whole life. I forget all kinds of things that people think are so unforgettable. My mother isn't the best example of a loving mother either, which is why I never wanted children. I did end up pregnant though, long story, but I chose not to abort for various reasons even though I had no desire to have the child. I gave him up for adoption to the most wonderful family, and I truly believe that I was meant to have that child- but FOR those people (i can give you the long/longer version if you like, you might agree) And one of the biggest things I worry about is him having any kind of complexes or anything about me. It's not that I didn't want him, it's just that I didn't want to be a mother such as my mom, I was terrified of that. I also got fixed, btw, I can't have any more kids, and i'm not raising any. i didn't develop any kind of "maternal" instincts or anything about him, or in general. I still have no desire to have children. I also don't regret what I did. (i was using condoms when I got pregnant, I don't see how I couldve reasonably prevented it- again, come ask me for full story if you want, i don't think it was preventable) But even with all of that, Just because i don't feel this magic connection that everyone else seems to think is so manditory for being a woman, i'm still not a fucking monster. I didn't want harm to come to the kid, i'm quite relieved that he's with such an awesome family and i really believe that biology doesn't win out over environment. (my grandmother is awesome. my mom is the only one who sucks so i stopped a trend before it started by not having any kids/raising them whatever) so, i feel, that even though i gave birth to him, his parents are the wonderful couple that have been raising him all this time. I think about him from time to time, but it's usually only in situations such as this. Also, I should say- i'm not positive what day he was born either. i mean, like, i know what day it was, and i could go google it and find out when it was, but right now, this second? yeah i'm not sure if 16 or 19 or something. (it was a few hours into father's day not saying the year for anonymity though i do know it. but i was born the day before mother's day so that is probably why it sticks out for me, and again, ties into the longer story)

but, I hope you understand what I mean by saying i hope you never understand about your bio-mom. i hope mine never understands me, i hope he doesn't have depression like i do, i hope he has a better mom than i do (well i don't have to hope that because i know he does, but i don't know if he wouldve if i had kept him...) i'm probably doing a crap job with this reply, sorry for that. i guess i just feel kind of guilty about not feeling guilty about not keeping my kid, if you can follow that logic. not everyone should be a parent, just because they're physically able to have a child, and not every person who is NOT physically able to have a child should remain not being parents, and who raises you, is/are your parent/s and it sounds like you're luckier than some, maybe not as lucky as others. idk- this is getting too long, but i just mean i hope you never feel all the negative emotions that a disturbed individual experiences, i hope you never really understand that about your bio-mother because I hope your life takes a better path, that you're mentally and emotionally healthy etc.