Widows/ers love to manipulate their new partners with only 'special' person can date them, someone confident and well rounded. I am sorry but someone confident and well rounded would not even look at a man who is unable to give love, attention, who is selfish , and who is deeply in love with another woman, because confident person knows there are better options, even being solo is healthier than being with someone who actually resents you for not being someone else. It is said that widowers are unable to form healthy relationships up to 2 years from loosing their spouses. I would say 5 years is minimum. This is enough time for them ( some of them , some will never learn) to learn that the world owns them, us or anyone nothing and if the love or help comes it should be cherished.