I guess I shouldn't have tried to help those guys break that bottle with my head. That would have been a life changing mistake. On it's own sure, that's fine. Forgetting who I loved, and marrying someone else, those were real mistakes. I was charmed by the wrong woman. The following years spent nearly entirely on another person allowed me to come back out of my psyche/shell that I created to protect myself after life was a bitch pretty much the whole experience. When I put her through school with my own financial crisis money, and never asked anything in return, that was fun. When I ran out of money and our relationship started to sour, I couldn't help but notice the timing.
Sure, she has her degree and her kid, but I never focused on anyone else or myself enough to improve my standing in life. Yeah, I look like a villain from all outward appearances, I stay home, I take care of the kid. I don't work. I have a rich family that doesn't give a fuck for me, and a wife that isn't emotionally present enough to know that she's fucking killing me. My kid is fucking awesome, he's already learning to read at two. I just need a fucking break to work on my own shit for once, it's all about her and if it isn't: It's her resentment and guilt. I've been to therapy, I know what is healthy in a relationship and what is not. When I told her she lost control, she started looking for another manipulation tactic. When I spotted that one, she gave me the same look I have seen on other people who want to calculate and control others. Then she said later:

"I hope you fall in love just once in your life, just to know how it feels."

Then it started to happen: In December, I was supposed to be taking a break from the wife and kid, I went to a wedding with my mom. I left on the train to Camarillo, and this nice lady attendant said:

"I can tell, you are so humble and sweet: You are going to make it in this world, I can tell you!"

....