What is your best "it's not what it looks like" moment?

This is unbelievably stupid and is an incredible stack of coincidences, but I absolutely swear every word of its was true.

Around 15 or 16 years old, I went to a bowling alley with some friends. As a joke I declared that I'd go to the restroom and buy everything I could from vending machines, which amount to a condom, aspirin, and a tampon. I got this shit, we all laughed, and I went back to my dads house.

Later that weekend, because I was a dumbass kid, I decided to experiment with all the stuff I bought. I grabbed a glass of water and dipped the tampon in to it because as a teenage boy I just had to know what would happen. It expanded as expected, and for some baffling reason instead of tossing it I wrapped it in some aluminum foil (?!?) and stashed it in a cabinet in my room.

Later that weekend, for some reason I decided that jerking off with a condom on must be different in some profound way so I did so. For some unbelievably fucking stupid reason, once I finished, I decided to stash the condom wrapper with the tampon in its little aluminum sarcophagus and, instead of throwing it away like a brain possessing human being, put it back in the cabinet. I then promptly forgot about the whole thing.

Flash forward 5 or so years. I'm in college, and my stepmother is dismantling my room (which I never spent more than 2 days a month in ever because my parents were divorced). She calls me to tell me that she found my little secret, and basically lectured me on safe sex (which I'm well beyond needing at that age) and how terrible I was to sneakily bang my then girlfriend, and then bizarrely judgily looks down on me further because it must have been that time of the month (which, really?!?) because of the tampon.

She's not a mean person or anything, but the whole conversation was bizarrely judgey and shitty. I tried to explain that no, I had never had sex in that house and that it was all an absurdly complex and stupid coincidence.

She absolutely refused to believe me (probably a good call) and accused me of lying. Which is a little weird, because at that point she had known me for more than half of my life, and knew 1) that I probably wouldn't concoct some absurdly complex and stupid story on the spot that made me look somehow lamer than my nerdy ass was at the time to 2) cover for something that had happened several years earlier and truly did not matter. Moreover, she went on to bring it up several times over subsequent years even though I begged her to believe that the story was infinitely more stupid and non-sneaky than she could possibly imagine.

Good god I was a fucking stupid teenager.

/r/AskReddit Thread