Right now? Well my girlfriend just broke up with me and I'm absolutely broken up about it, but that's no secret. What is a secret has kind of a story behind it...
When he and I began talking, she was horribly depressed and suicidal and cutting herself. I helped her through her early high school years until I graduated and she stayed. We were gonna try two years of long distance then be together permanently come her freshman year of college cuz we both wanna go to the same out of state college. Well, around spring break of this year (the second semester of the first year in long distance) she asked me a straight up question about my porn problem (every guy's kryptonite I suppose) and when I admitted I had watched some recently she started feeling like she wasn't enough for me. I tried to reassure her that her performance had no affect on this, I was just addicted and had relapsed, like it was a drug. But nothing I said made her feel better. Fast forward to like three weeks ago, I'm coming home and she's been acting distant for like a month. I was putting it up to her mom having cancer and her insane school schedule, hoping now that her mom's cancer free and her schooling is over she'd go back to loving on me like she did before. Nope. As you know she broke up with me, this past sunday in fact, and I was devastated. After contemplating and talking to many adults in my life, explaining to them most of the situation (strategically leaving out the part where I confided in her I watched porn) every last one told me these were symptoms of depression. Shit. I remembered back far, and remembered what he had been doing. She bought E-cigs from a friend at school, and used them to calm herself down. everything I did suddenly became the worst possible decision I could've made. She came to me for advise about her depression and when I told her she needed to see a doctor she refused for fear of her parents. She came to me again later and I refused to put a band-aid on the problem and remained silent, so she got pissed. I talked to my mom about it and asked her, "should I tell her parents? If she won't maybe I should." After filling her in fully (again, leaving some things out) she assured me that would be the wise move. Enter my father, who counsels addicts.
"Should I tell her parents, dad?"
"No son, there's too much at risk. Her parents might take it the wrong way, there's obviously a reason she is afraid to tell them. Additionally, jut like when I try to help addicts, they can't be helped unless they themselves want it, and she obviously didn't want it. It's best you just distance yourself from the situation."
Cue tears. SHIT... he's right...
I don't want her to suffer like this, but I can't help her if she isn't willing to help herself.
"You're too emotionally invested, son. Let her find her way and maybe in time you two can try again."
I turn on the data on my phone and see this wall of text she sent me. She really seems to think I hate her right now. Honey, I don't hate you, I'm still in love with you. Why the hell do you think I spent the days following our break up figuring out ways to help you?
I really hate to sound like I'm patting my own back, but I really just want what's best for her, and if I'm not then I can't help that. But now I'm at a crossroads. I want to help her more than anything, but the only way I can think of would both break the confidence she had in me and overstep my boundaries between her family and mine. So, my secret is that I have advise for her, but am in no position to give it. I can't tell someone else to advise her to o it cuz that's a dick move. I can't tell her myself cuz I'd get too emotional and it'd end badly. I can't tell her parents cuz they could take it the wrong way, and I dont want that. "Oh he's just saying that cuz he's pissed she broke up with him." sigh If only they knew.
TL;DR My gf broke up with me and I really wanna fuck her best friend but don't know how to ask.