Thinking of a future scenario where he tells me he is dating or engaged or married. It makes me want to die. Because every man I meet does not compare to him. Nobody compares to how he made me feel. How aligned I felt. Everything was in union. I’m completely celibate and have no desire to talk to any other men romantically. And it hurts. A part of me was torn apart in this relationship. All of my core wounds, triggers and traumas were brought to the surface. He came into my life 2 years into my healing journey. We broke up because of distance and how we both weren’t ready for a relationship. There was so much fear that manifested in the both of us. We were both shocked and afraid at our chemistry and connection. It is the most intense physical and emotional pain I’ve ever been in. I would not wish it on anyone. It is no teenage heartbreak. It’s deep, moving, traumatizing, even. Agonizing. So much anguish and questions and anger and deep melancholy and nostalgia. I believe I will never allow myself to love someone the way I loved him. I can only believe we will be together in the future to spend the rest of our lives together.