Abusive older sister. Apparently that went on from when I was a baby (my parents busted her in the closet with me once, hitting my feet with a toy drumstick) up until I was about 12-13 and was fed up with her shit. For the longest time I thought that was just a normal older sibling thing to do and because of that I was often pretty rude to my younger brothers when we were little.

It was always over the smallest shit too. If we were playing with toys and I did something in the story that she didn't like she'd hit me. If I messed with her stuff or annoyed her she'd physically corner me in our bedroom which may or may not have entailed being hit. Once puberty struck and I had those good ol' hormones going rampant I really started to fight back. My motto became that if she hit me, I was gonna hit back a hell of a lot harder. Eventually she moved on and started going after our brothers, shoving them out of the way if they wanted a hug and just being mean. So one night she shoves the older of the two, J, and our parents never did anything even when we told, so I locked my shoulder and rammed the shit out of her and I did it every time she put her hands on one of us.

Eventually she stopped, whether because she was getting too old for that or because of my efforts I have no clue. She's still kind of a bitch and honestly way too mature for someone her age, seeing as she's 21 now. I love her no matter what but I feel like all those years really have affected me even now that I'm 18. I flinch a lot. Twice today already, actually. I deal with a lot of anger issues but I keep them in check well enough that no one has to deal with them except me. It makes it hard to have friendships too sometimes because if I feel "cornered" even figuratively I feel trapped and get really cagey and evasive. It makes me wish sometimes that I had been the oldest honestly.