What is your deepest, darkest secret?

Just the thread I needed, and this is going to get buried down but that's even better.

I've been I love with my closest and best friends for 20 years. I was 2 years old when I met her at the hospital, and I gave her our first peck on the cheek (or so I'm told). 9 years when I stole my first kiss from her. 14 when I actually scared to her how much I loved her. And 15 when I decided that our friendship was enough for me. We grew up together, experienced puberty, and all that together and my parents actually see her as a second daughter since her parents presence was spotty at best. We have always loved each other, but she just never saw me that way, but it seems more like she doesn't want to see me this way, because she spends our days talking about what ifs and hypotheticals involving us.

However...lately our relationship has started to get physical, and for her it's only that( which I doubt). But I think it's hard for both of us since we obviously love each other. It makes the time we have together interesting because there so much tension and emotion, but also incredibly painful from both sides. As her friend, I feel awful in getting in her personal life. But I'm also not going to refuse advances from this girl.

Last night she confessed to me, that I'm the reason she's with her current bf. Because, I started dating her best friend and she was left alone( I just broke up with her friend after 3 years) . So I pretty much hate myself more than I have ever done. And I barely understand why. I didn't realize that at the time I was taking her two best friends out of her life and she hated me for the whole time. There's no path I can take that will take me where I want to go. And no way to change the past. Fucking shit. End rant.

Tl;dr

I've been in love with my best friend since I can remember and she now loves another man, because I was stupid enough not to read the signs 7 years ago.

/r/AskReddit Thread