This is a long'un..
I was at a party at 16.. First time ever drinking.. We had the usual kiddy drinks, light cider and sourz. The party was in full swing, seeing As it was a girls flat who's parents were moving out, so the whole place was stripped down to the floorboards, however there was a double bed in the living room, acting as a sofa, and another 2 seater sofa. As the sourz ran out, we were all pretty damn buzzed, so as my friend and I were debating going for some more drink, we spot a bottle of 10 year glenfiddich hiding in the kitchen, obviously left by the lassie's parents. So we think "Ahh yes! Whisky! That's what will top the night off.." and proceed to slam 6 shots each. As you can imagine the night took a down turn after that.. I went through to the living room, had a smoke (she let us smoke on the balcony) then promptly collapsed, paralytic, onto the bed. Cue the two girls I spent the previous hour having a chat with, one was a straight 7.5 out of 10 sober, so my drunk mind painted her as a goddess. Her friend not so much. She was a good 17 stone at 5 foot 4, and I mean, some guys like that, and some girls are happy with their weight at that, but personally I didn't find it attractive..
Anyway..
Boogieboarding..
As I was lying on the bed, the two girls come over and I can barely process their arrival, I'm lying on my back with my eyes unfocused cursing my friend to every deity I know, when said drunken mind goddess lays a kiss on me.. I'm trying to make a good impression, but I imagine it was like a bulldog kicking a plate clean of porridge stains.. After my top notch kiss performance the girl leaves, presumably to find another kiss, but her friend stays. "hey Ennui, wanna play 'nervous'? (a game where you run your hand on the opponents knee to genitals, the one who proclaims to be 'nervous' at the lowest point loses, I'm not sure how a tie is broken though.. So anyway, the girl asks if I want to play, and I say no, I'd really rather not.. She says "cmon, ennui! It'll be fun!" and proceeds straight to fondling my penis my friend catches this, runs over, shouts "#surprise tackle!# and hits her like a freight train... After she storms off in tears, he simply picks me back up, dragsy drunk ass outside, puts me on a chair on the balcony, hands me a cigarrette, stays with me til I sober up some, and then we go back inside and continue the party.