Nah. Antidepressants don't help. Therapy hasn't helped. I'm a full believer in God, but prayers haven't helped. I feel like if I don't reach a certain status in life, then I will fail. When you've seen as much death as I have, the way that I have (not that I'm special, because I'm not) - it changed my perspective on everything. Funerals, burials, and spreading ashes became part of the norm.

I've grieved. It doesn't help. There are days where I beg God just to not let me wake up because I don't have the guts to do it myself. I'd rather be in the pitch-black, conscienceless dream state that I enter every once in a while than my life now. I could look at a homeless person and genuinely be envious.

I'm a good looking dude from a wealthy family and law school bound. My family is very successful, and there is so much pressure to get to a six figure salary minimum as fast as possible. They don't even know they're pressuring me, or maybe they do. It's there and it's real. The house, the car, the hot wife, it's what I want - but the pressure for me to get all of it it is so, so, so much.

A lot of times I look at my dog and that stops the thoughts for a while. My family...they'd understand. But my dog? I've had her since she was three weeks old. I basically rescued her. I'm the only thing she's ever known, I'm her sunshine. I couldn't bare the thought of the only thing she's ever known just disappearing, not understanding where her daddy went.

If everything I'm working for fails, what eases my thoughts is that I could disappear to Belize or Costa Rica and work my way up to potentially a fishing guide and live a simple life. Embrace poverty and enjoy my surroundings. I wouldn't tell anybody, I would just vanish with my dog.