What is your mental health like right now?

I'm about two steps from checking out at any given moment. It's not that I am planning to end my life - I just don't care if it goes on one more day. I'm a chubby bipolar nerd with a social anxiety disorder and bad teeth and I never want to raise children, so I hit the "deal breakers" with almost all women. Fixing any single one of those problems would be a huge effort and still leave me with all the rest, so why bother putting new tires on a car that never leaves the garage?

I live around San Francisco where "nerdy white guys" outnumber "women interested in nerdy white guys" by about 5:1, so you have to be alpha as fuck to pair off out here. I'm "old" for this area (getting close to forty) and that women interested in men like me want to settle down and raise a family (something I never want.)

My job is hard, but I am good at it and it pays me enough to survive here. I have taken it as far as I can, though. I'm very good at what I do, but I would need to adopt either whole new skill sets (more programming languages or other tools) or learn how to deal with people to get into management. So I'm at a good spot, but I have nowhere to go from here because I cannot cope with the demands of higher positions.

In short: Everything good that was going to happen in my life has already happened.

Quite literally, my firm atheist view is the only thing that has kept me alive this long. If I believed that there was anything after death - anything at all - I'd have left this life to check out what it might be.

If you've come this far, please downvote this so nobody else has to read it. I just typed it to see if I was able to verbalize my mental health.

/r/AskReddit Thread