When she was a child my mother's parents were abusive. She often went to school starving when her parents refused to feed her the night before. When I was a child my mother told me she would never send me or my siblings to bed hungry. We were very poor but she always managed to keep that promise, except one night when I was around 8.

I had refused the food we had for dinner that night, I am not fussy by anyone's standards but we had eaten the same thing several nights a week for weeks in a row because of my sister's limited diet. As we were getting ready to go to bed that night, I complained and used my mother's promise against her. She ended up going to the shop and spending money we could not afford on something I would eat.

I forgot about this incident until years later when we were talking about my childhood and she told me it was one of the most shameful times of her life. My mother committed suicide a year ago in April and I cannot get this and all the other moments I had been unwittingly cruel out of my mind. I can't help but believe that if I had acted differently or been a better son, she would be alive right now.

Sorry about the long depressing post, like I said, it's coming up for a year and I needed an opportunity to vent this anonymously.