I was anorexic when i was 16-17. That's behind me now, but during recovery i began to binge. Heavily.

For the last 2 or 3 years I've been sitting at home, reading, eating, and not really doing a lot else.

My wake up call came today at the doctor's surgery. The doctor told me that I last saw her 3 months ago. The last time I left the house, before today, was when I went to see the doctor last.

The idea of leaving the house makes me incredibly uncomfortable right now. I've lost almost all of my friends and extended family because it was easier not to talk to them, than to have them see me like this. I don't even remember when I last saw my older brothers (who, by the way, raised me). It must have been over two years ago now. I don't want anyone to see me like this, so I don't let anybody see me at all. I don't remember the last time I saw any of my friends, or went out and did something social. Gratuitous as it sounds to even mention, I haven't had sex in almost 3 years.

I can't stand how I look. And I hate how I feel, both physically and psychologically. I can't bare to show my face in public, because I feel completely disgusting when I look at the people around me.

Having just hit 100kg (being only 5'8 and having all but zero muscle), I feel like I have to make a change now, before my quality of life gets any worse - if that's even possible at this point.

I'm an excessively social creature, and my self imposed exile from the outside world is killing me.

I am fully aware, by the way, that there's more at play here than just my weight. But I genuinely feel that if I can get to, and maintain, a healthy, good-looking weight, a lot of other things will click into place.

Sorry if this is oversharing.