Music festival this past summer, two experiences that'll forever haunt me.

1.) Didn't have to piss thaaat bad, but as I was hanging on the outskirts of the crowd and could beeline right to the portajohns, decided to give my bladder a little break instead of holding it for a few more hours. Luckily the music was in full swing so the bathroom's weren't that crowded and there weren't too many lines, I notice one stall with no line whatsoever so I go into that one..

What I come across will be forever burned in my memory, for on the lid of the toilet was the biggest dookie I have ever seen in my life. It must've been half lizard or something because it was huge! Worse part was it was laying right ontop of the toilet seat, sitting in a perfect curve right there for all to see!

I can't back up now so I piss as best I could and gtfo, promptly letting the person waiting outside know there's a giant turd on the seat.

2.) this is the worst one, same night I believe of this festival, it's a few hours later and only one set of music's left to play, there's a rumble in my stomach that not even all the cannabis at the festival could settle! After witnessing the dookie seat I was really nervous about actually finding a relatively clean one to drop a deuce in. Luckily there was an actual building with actual bathrooms near the back of the fest grounds, but lo and behold it was too late at night and they were closed! There was however a line of portajohns right behind this place, and very few people too!

I make my way to one of the stalls, and as I do it seems everyone decided to come here to relieve themselves too! So now I have to be quick, and with chron's disease dropping a dookie is anything but quick. I shine my flashlight around the stall I chose and it looks pretty clean, no poops on the seat, maybe some pee everywhere, so I halfway drop my shorts so they don't touch the floor and squat Indian style(first time ever doing this) to squeeze out this dookie. I can hear the crowd outside gathering in numbers so I try my best to hurry up, a liquidy storm unleashes out of me..all this festival food and drugs got to my stomach finally..

I finish up and what's this? NO TOILET PAPER!!! I panic, and decide fuck it, there's bound to be atleast 50 more people WAY more disgusting than not wiping walking around, so I pull up my pants to a very unwelcoming wet and cold touch, apparently it did touch the floor...

I pull up the shorts, try and pray that I don't look like I shit myself, and shamefully made my way out of this portajohn and rushed my way into the crowd.