As someone from the Indian sub-continent with horrendous bathrooms and iffy access to water (there ain't no tp there!), I have way too many than I'd like.
Think my worst one might be when I was touring Odisha and had 'to go' while visiting the Kornak Sun Temple. The washroom was a hut (literal straw roof and mud walls). The stalls were just elevated mud structures and you go (Indian squatting style of course) into a hole on the ground that drains behind the wall leading outside of the hut. It wasn't pretty but I got it done. The kicker was when I turned on the tap and.... a teeny stream of brown (and thicker than I'd like) muddy water came pouring. (Always check your water-source, rookie mistake). I did what I could to clean myself off with the muddy water, put my pants on and left. I'm sure my ass was still brown (from the mud, to clarify) and sticky at this point. The next step was a local restaurant across the street (a hut again!) as part of the tour and they didn't have a washroom- just a wash basin to wash your hands with. So I cupped some water on my hands, and reached down my pants to wipe whatever I could and use some hand paper, basically in plain sight of everyone in the restaurant. I went about the rest of my day in that state. I think I got most of it off since I don't remember it being an ordeal when I got back to the hotel.
Yep, that one was probably the worst.
PS. Yes, I ate lunch with my hands right afterwards at the restaurant.