What is your worst trait when it comes to sexual/relationship success?

If I had to name one fatal weakness, I'd say neediness.

I have a tendency to take things too seriously and try to think my way through the bullshit people say (even though often, there's no real point to what to they're saying, just hamhanded attempts at emotional communication). It's my biggest impediment to reading people properly. I'm also hypersensitive to criticism and mockery, that even the hint of it might throw me off my game.

I have a hard time maintaining state, in the sense that at baseline/in state I can be fairly charismatic, but when the tension rises, my personality flips and I become more introverted and thinner-skinned.

Because of things as well, people have a very hard time reading me as well, and frequently come away with the wrong idea. They often think there's hidden subtext to what I say, when I'm being direct and forthright. People have also said that I can be very intense and intimidating (I don't mean to humblebrag, just for context: I'm a pretty bright guy with the body of a rugby player).

As a result I encounter the following issues with women:

  • I often attract the attention of girls who are "hot and they know it" but can't close the deal, while girls who aren't quite such a challenge often get insecure around me.

  • I often get into the friendzone, sometimes even put myself in it, when I want a friend more than I want to engage in sexual brinksmanship, and then when my confidence isn't quite so fragile, I try too hard to get out of it.

  • Girls who are attention whores try to play me all the time, and it frustrates me to no end when my only options are to endure their games and shit tests, or just next them. It's such a no-win scenario and they can't seem to resist calling my bluff, and act surprised and bitter when I do next them.

  • To add to that, I often find out long after the fact that girls were way more into then I was aware, and when I am aware girls are into me, they dig in and play hard to get to the point of being self-defeating.

The only solution I can find to these issues is to basically work on myself, sand out my rough edges, and live life on my own terms. The hope is in time, my neediness will calm down, my confidence/state won't be quite so fickle, and I can find a girl somewhat my speed that I can truly enjoy being with. But it seems right now that every time I try, I find myself in the "ones you can get you don't want, ones you want you can't get" trap. It's pretty frustrating.

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