What're you probably better at than 90% of reddit?

Creative writing. Example: 10 days ago I was walking down the streets of Seattle. It was a perfect night; the temperature perfectly warm. A magnificent sunset shone above the amethyst mountain peaks. As I strolled up and down the steep hills, feeling the wind blowing through my hair, I paused at an alley. For when I looked it, I saw the most peculiar sight.

In the alley was an ancient woman, likely around 90 years old. She lied upon the checkered stone bricks, legs partially spread open. No clothing covered her, leaving her leathery skin to bask in the waning rays of the sun. Gathered around her was a legion of cats, mostly adolescents who spent their days roaming the streets for scraps. And, between her varicose ridden legs was a large beagle, mercilessly penetrating her dry, decrepit vagina. Two kittens, not yet weaned, sucked her withered nipples from the ground.

Despite her erstwhile organs, she garnered great pleasure from the ring of horrific bestiality. Her crackling moans of delight just barely escaped past her chafed lips. All around her, the cats moved closer to her, staring intently at the fulfillment of the woman's greatest sexual conquest. As the minutes past, she grew closer to coitus. Then, nearly 20 minutes after I began staring at her, she became filled with orgasmic pleasure. So loud that those atop the tallest buildings could hear, she moaned in glorious bliss. A vile yellow discharge spewed forth from her as she did, drenching the dog in the toxic hell of decades of shameful chastity following a promiscuous youth. Despite this, though, the mongrel followed the woman's lead, ejaculating on top of her sagging chest.

As her pleasure faded, she fell limp upon the ground. My shadow blocked the dim light of the distant streetlamps from her view. And, as she looked up at me, shock splayed itself upon her eyes. Before she could try to utter a raspy shout, the cats surrounded her. Recognizing the danger, the dog disappeared into the shadows of the city. In unison, the cats slashed at her exposed flesh with their right paw. A tsunami of blood instantaneously drenched the stones of the alley. No longer caring about the mysterious stranger watching her intercourse with animals, she tried to scream out for help. Nothing escaped her lips but a puff of air.

One of the cats, an older male, jumped atop her stomach. It's hind paws drenched in yellow paste, it began tearing into the soft tissues of her abdomen. With ease, it burrowed through to the body cavity, ripping the intestines to shreds. I watched in horror as the blackened remains of her rectum were thrust onto the pavement. Years of abuse had rendered her incontinent. In shock, I did nothing but watch. What I heard before her heart finally stopped pumping will stay with me for the rest of my life.

With her last breath, she choked out "the children are still the most fun to bring home."

Pleased with his work, the large cat curled up inside of the rotten flesh of the newly birthed carcass. I slowly backed away, the cats able to overpower me at any time. Her body was so damaged that as the cats began to feast upon her remains, their bodies became limp. Piles of vomit spewed from their tiny mouths, burying the woman in a sea of half-digested rat and corrosive stomach acid. As I left the alley, forever traumatized, the last bit of sunlight disappeared from the horizon. Only darkness for the rest of the night, for the rest of my life.

/r/AskReddit Thread