Randomly took my wife to a stripclub on our honeymoon in the US. It was the only place for miles around that sold cigarettes. So we went in and sat at the bar and had a few drinks and smoked some cigarettes. And it was actually quite a nice atmosphere. My wife wanted to be friends with all the strippers and we got to talking to them for a long time.

Quite a few drinks later, two of the strippers took my wife up on stage and sat her in a chair. They were completely naked, grinding on her, rubbing their tits in her face, bare legs up on her shoulders. Everything. It was mesmerising. And if my dick had had legs it would've run up on stage to be with them.

I started to hope the strippers would convince my wife to get her tits out on stage - there weren't too many punters in the place and she was so drunk she just might have done it. But then the chair collapsed under the weight of the three of them. Cue hysterical laughter from everyone in the bar, including my wife and the strippers. And that was that.

We stuck around and just sort of hung out with the dancers. It was a great night actually. Much better than going with a group of guys.