I had a buddy who was in a frat at Kettering. He was working on a mixer with a sorority at my university, and he and the social chair of the sorority spent a whole summer talking on and off. When fall rolled around, he asked the girl out. They went out on a date, and then as he was driving home, she sent him an email talking about how she liked him but was scared and that it was her not him and all that bullshit. When he got back to campus, he saw her email and messaged me on AOL IM telling me what happened. I asked for her AOL name and then just lit into her for treating my buddy like that. She blocked me. Bitch. So I added her to one of my other AOL names.

Maybe a month and a half later, I went out on my own shitty blind date with a chick who looked like Troy Aikman. When I got back to my dorm room, I saw that the chick my buddy had taken out had an away message talking about how guys only want the apples on the ground, that guys weren't interested in climbing the tree for the good apples.

I was in a shitty mood, so I went off on her. Read her the riot act. She just put up with it, and after about ten minutes of bitching, I ran out of steam. She was still there. We got to talking, and I asked her out. She agreed.

Next week, it will be 17 years that we've been together.