What's a card you wish they print for your deck(s)?

I need two really simple cards for my [[Darien, Emo King]] deck to really finish it off. Same cards would be great for any group-slug player too. Something like:

[Headache Machine] - {2} - Artifact

Whenever a player draws a card, Headache Machine deals two damage to that player.

[Cuffs of Binding] - {4} - Artifact

Whenever a player casts a spell, Cuffs of Binding deals 2 damage to that player.

We have most actions covered with this type of card. Play a land? [[Ankh of Mishra]]. Sac a land? [[Dingus Egg]]. Dead creature? [[Dingus Staff]]. Lost an artifact? [[Magnetic Mine]]. Hell... you shuffled your deck? [[Pyschogenic Probe]].

Just want to abuse the rest of my steps and phases into token shenanigans, the same way I use Ankh, Egg, and Probe to abuse fetches, or Dingus Staff to add value to token sac engines.

/r/EDH Thread