Yeah doctors got me addicted to medication because I have autism and anxiety disorders. It gave me a nervous breakdown because I started to hallucinate and it made my thoughts race at night and I couldn't control what I was thinking about and it would race really fast. I looked it up online because they wouldn't tell me anything when I asked, and so I thought I was going insane from the symptoms I was reading. I was addicted to ativan really bad in generally. I used to take so many a day just to do anything. I must have looked like pacman eating dots. It didn't help my anxiety at all because it prevented any confidence.

The nervous breakdown got me sent to psych wards, which gave me PTSD, and I got addicted to more meds. I remember my first night on the second time I got sent to a psych ward. My doctor got a giant man nurse to sort of sit me in a room blocking the door and wouldn't let me leave unless I too the ceroquil or whatever it was. I was crying my eyes out because it was so traumatizing to be sent there again, and I didn't want to be on more medication, and I had to take it literally leave the room.

I got sent to even worse places than the psych ward, I met a guy whose mom was bringing him to get electroshock therapy occasionally to treat his autism. Holy christ it was horrible to hear that. And of course he was on an even BIGGER cocktail of medicine than I was. I remember a 30mg cup filled with random medication.

So I'm out of that system now, but I'm stranded and too traumatized to try to get therapy. I'm not the one who left, I had a therapist say I wasn't traumatized enough to get therapy. I begged her to let me see someone else in that building. A government building, full of most of the only therapists in this town. My current family doctor helped me get off the medication though. But, I might have been a person who if I wasn't through such a shitty situation could have really used ativan for a short term. I'm afraid to take it at all, because I used to take them so much.

Anyways I tried posting about my anxiety on Tumblr in Action before. I got similar bullshit. I wanted to calm a guy down who said panic attacks are only panic attacks if you have such severe symptoms you have to be hospitalized. I told him about my internalized panic attacks and he told me you can't have a panic attack unless you have dramatic symptoms and have to get hospitalized. I remember being so upset at that. Nobody should believe anxiety attacks should kill you and that you need to be hospitalized or you'll die, that's the anxiety speaking!! My anxiety disorders were undetected for years because I just held everything is, but apparently it don't real because he said so! Bullshit. Plus I also wanted him to know he wasn't going to die from a panic attack.