There are a lot of great answers here, but femdom expectations aren't really touched on. Femdom porn was mentioned briefly. Porn itself tends to be highly unrealistic. Femdom porn is even worse. It's not just the bodies and endless stamina and acrobatics found in regular porn. The acts themselves are tailored much more favorably towards what a man would enjoy. Erotica is even worse. At 23 years old, there's a chance your idea of femdom is entirely skewed.
Is just the fact that you get to dominate someone enough?
This question seems overly simplistic. "Just" dominating someone will not do it for 99% of the tops out there. Such people could get off being the boss at their job, or dominating in sports, or other areas of life. And I'm sure some women do get off on such things, but that's not really the key to understanding femdom.
do you wish your relationship was more vanilla?
and
am i wrong and these things are actually just as pleasurable to you than what you would do in a vanilla relationship?
This is why I think you have have some misconceptions. What do you imagine can't happen in a femdom based relationship that does happen in a completely vanilla relationship? hint: you're wrong
A femdom relationship can easily include all acts from a vanilla relationship. There's some cockeyed idea that blowjobs are completely acceptable - for example, as part of a teasing and denial session - but sex is entirely out of the question. In most real femdom relationships you'll find penis-in-vagina sex. Yes, it can done in a dominant way; and no, I'm not just talking about when the woman is on top. There are lots of ways to have sex where the woman has the dominant role and remains in control.
But what about men who fantasize about being locked in chastity, never to be let out? First, it's not as common as you might think if you only read erotica or watch certain types of porn. And second, often even those who enjoy the fantasy find they don't enjoy the reality. But let's imagine a sub who enjoys taking chastity to the extreme.
If a domme enjoys having sex, but a sub has his mind set on never having sex as part of his submission, then the two simply aren't compatible. The top has no obligation to fulfil a "dominant" fantasy just because she considers herself dominant. A top who enjoys sex can simply avoid such a sub, or if this comes up later, can dump him then. These sort of incompatibilities happen in all types of relationships, including vanilla. Sometimes a compromise is made, sometimes it's enough to end things.
On the other side of things, I have a friend who prefers oral sex to that of PIV sex. She is completely compatible with subs who have a hard core chastity fetish, but she's not giving up any pleasure to enter into such a relationship. She's getting more pleasure through the situation.
do you do it just because you're partner is into it?
I do find some women who want to please a submissive man will "do it just because..." Sometimes this works out great, but often times these women end up frustrated in relationships that aren't sexually satisfying. This is one of the sadder things I've seen, and it often eventually affects both partners.