This is mine. It's not the best, but I like telling this story.
I worked at a gas station in a sketchy part of town. It was full service. There would be people that rolled up in big SUVs with authentic bullet holes, not just those stickers you usually see. My eyes aren't that good so I'd take to poking them, just in case one day my pinky found a real one. The woman driving told me "yeah, the guy who did that isn't around anymore." Have a nice night!
So a guy pulled in driving a nice BMW with his girlfriend in the passenger seat and two of his friends in the back.
His girlfriend has a cute little dog in her lap, and being that making baby talk at cute dogs is about the only thing that keeps you sane in a busy gas station, I started petting the hell out of that cute little nibblemonster. The boyfriend pipes up with "huhhuhhuhu fag". Of course, as a penis enthusiast, this isn't gonna fly very far. Once finished ringing them in, I come back with their change and two dog cookies; one for the dog, and one for the guy because "you're also your girlfriend's pet!"
His friends lose it. His girlfriend was grinning, holding back a snicker. The boyfriend was not amused. He came back ten minutes later, stopped by the vacuum cleaners and all I could hear out of the open window is his friends in the back saying "it's not worth it, man! It's not worth it!"
Fuck.
He pulls up to the front of the gas station and tells me to "c'mere so I can shove this dog cookie down your throat". I tell him to have a nice evening and make a beeline to the gas station. He follows me to the entrance. I hold open the door, motion inside and ask "Would you like a refreshing beverage to cool down sir?" at which point he takes a swing at me, lit cigarette in his knuckle, punching me in the face and putting out his cigarette.
Immediately after this guy sped off, I walked into the managers office, and stated "Two weeks.", left the office and phoned the police.
After the fact, when the police photographer came to my house to take a picture of the burn, he leaned in and told me "I shouldn't be telling you this, but it was his girlfriend's beemer..."
I was right.
After the fact, I found out the time lapse security footage took its image at our most delicious of moments together, at the point of contact. It went up on the staff cork board. For weeks afterwards, I would go to other stores of the same change around the city and find that same picture behind customer service. I was like a J-list celebrity!
Also I went back to school because fuck working at a gas station.
TL;DR: Counter-dissed an asshole, learned a valuable life lesson in holding your sass.