What's the hardest thing you've ever forgiven someone for?[Serious]

Tl;DR - friend broke both my legs in a car crash, fractured my skull in 9 places, lost most vision in left eye, etc. Hate solves literally nothing and is a waste of energy, IMO.

The full story:

When I was 17 a friend of mine crashed a car (BMW 128i) I was in through a rock wall and tree. We both had a mutual interest in cars and would sometimes go on drives together in the same car, or in each of our respective vehicles.

He was entirely sober at the time of the accident, and it was around 1 PM on good friday, so we had no school. I always thought he was a bit zippy with his driving, but nothing that concerned me too much. I myself was a pretty careful driver, I would maybe floor in on the highway but I never (ever) fucked with the windy suburban tree-lined roads that blanketed our area.

Anyway, we were driving on this straight away of one of these characteristic roads (stone walls / trees on the sides, very windy in parts) it looked clear, but he kind of punched the accelerator without warning. Turns out there was a crown engineered into the roadway for drainage purposes. This meant that his small, sporty car, which had around 300 horses got sent into the air. I'd estimate he was going around 55 or 60 in a 25 MPH zone. In some instances, one could floor their vehicle for a few seconds without issue, though I wouldn't recommend it. However, in this case the car got a lot of air, and when we touched down he lost control. We swerved across the lane, into and through a rock wall, and into a tree. The force was concentrated on my side. He got out almost immediately with a minor concussion. I was trapped in the car for over an hour and a half. I broke both legs, lost most of the vision in my left eye, fractured my skull in 9 places, had a TBI and more shitty stuff. Took me months to walk and I now feel many years older physically than I should.

I still think he was a cocky idiot. But kids fuck up. I don't want him dead or anything. Initially, I was too out of it in the hospital to be angry. As the months went on and I was in a seemingly endless cycle of physical therapy (1.5 hours 3 times a day) my resentment grew.

As time continued, I learned to forgive him. Still haven't spoken to him since about 2 months after it happened my senior year of high school. Luckily I worked hard to recover and was able to go off to college in the fall like the rest of my friends. I can't say the experience made me stronger. Some days I think it did. Other days I think quite the opposite. The scars are a decent conversation starter, though.

There was also a lawsuit, which made reparations more difficult. Not your typical vengeance lawsuit. We didn't try to take his house or anything, his insurance premium was about as high as one can get and so that covered all of the money I got. Still, I'm sure it wasn't fun for him. But I had over 500 K in medical expenses, I'll need 2 knee replacements around my 50's-60's, so its only fair I got some money to pay for all of that. There was some for pain and suffering, too. But no amount of money (and I'm serious here) can ease this kind of permanent physical (and emotional) damage. I'm more angry about what it did to my parents than I am about my own injuries, though. It sucks seeing you parents so torn up, having to deal with something like this. They've gotten better over time, but they definitely have PTSD.

I on the other hand have some morbid fascination with the experience. I still haven't internalized that I came inches from dying, but I will look back over the crime scene photos of the crash every now and then. They are pretty damn gnarly. If anyone who read this far wants the police report photos (they're on imgur) or the X-rays of my shattered leg bones, I'll edit the link in.

/r/AskReddit Thread