I grew up pretty naive when it comes to racism.

I went to a mostly white school in an upper-middle class district, where racism is seen as trashy and being a racist is taboo to the point of paranoia. Minority kids were pretty well-integrated (most of us grew up together) and while I'm sure they dealt with plenty of BS, it was all pretty invisible to me.

After high school I moved across the country to pursue surfing, which landed me in a poor isolated neighborhood where I was the only white guy. My landlord warned me about the neighbors down the street, who sold crystal meth and had a reputation for being racist (his wife was white, the only other white person), but I thought it would be fine if I minded my own business. Cue the "run racial slur run" sign going up in their front yard.

Long story short, I got jumped multiple times and felt like an outsider no matter how kind I tried to be. When my friend came to visit from back home, one of my neighbors plowed into my SUV drunk and high. I immediately got out and offered her assistance, but she wouldn't believe I was her neighbor and got in my face screaming about how white people always look down on brown people. I was trying to give her a break but had to call the police when she started pushing me. The cop was local, knew her personally, and encouraged me not to press charges as her husband just died. I agreed as I didn't want to stand out anymore than I already did. It hurt way worse than getting jumped.

One of my old neighbors recently went viral in a racist rant that was recorded by tourists. It pisses me off but I honestly feel bad for him, and most of the people who gave me trouble. They're poor and they're ignorant. They come from historically oppressed groups and are trapped in a cycle of poverty. They probably had abusive upbringings...

To this day I feel uncomfortable being the only white person in a room. I have PTSD. Conversations that are good for the nation trigger severe anxiety for me. I just want everyone to get along but I've become cynical. I try my best to treat everyone fairly as that's all I can really do. Sometimes I have hope.