What's the most fucked up thing you've seen at a funeral?

When my grandmother died, my Mom was guilted into arranging a short memorial service for her by her own siblings. My grandmother was already cremated; she wasn't the type to raise a fuss, and she would've poo-poo'd the idea of a memorial service.

Anyway, I found out just how fucked up my aunt and her daughter are at the end of it all. They'd been silent the whole time, but we were all waiting for something to happen.

The service ends. It was short, sweet, and to the point as it should've been. Everyone files out, including my aunt and her daughter. Now, it's me, a few neighbours, the minister, and my mom left in the chapel of this funeral home.

I guess they were waiting for us outside to do their whole outburst thing. My cousin apparently got impatient. The doors to the chapel fly the fuck open, slamming the wall behind them with a cantankerous crash. Huffing and heaving there in the sunlight is my cousin, whose monitor-like gaze immediately locks on to my mother.

It sounded like a foreign language at first when the girl opened her mouth. Blazing fast, shrill, furious, and unintelligible at first. At least, that was until you could pick out profanities strewn among the bullshit spewing forth from her maw.

My neighbour and I stood between this foaming, frothing cunt and my mother. An entourage of other neighbours, friends, and the minister shuffled her out the backdoor while I ran interference.

The words "filthy faggot" were tossed my way a few times. I smirked and, stone-faced, watched this college-aged girl throw a lie-fueled, profanity-laced tantrum mid-chapel in front of the gods and everybody.

"Faggot" didn't sit well with my neighbour beside me - a young mother of two children. I was told later over a stiff bloody mary that she was ready to haul off and beat some sense into my cousin at that point.

It doesn't end there, though. Oh, no. Upon noticing my mother's escape, the girl turned on her heel and bolted into the parking lot after her. Too bad my Mom was already in a car. My cousin's frustrations manifested in a weak swing taken at my younger brother, who had found himself in between my cousin and the car door. She made soft contact with his shoulder at best.

Something strange came over me in the parking lot as I emerged from the chapel's front doors. To my surprise, a commanding, deep, almost fatherly voice escaped my lips. My cousin's name hung a moment in the air before she turned right back 'round to bolt to the safety of her mother's running car.

As they peeled out of the parking lot, both hung their trashy faces out of the windows of the vehicle - much like dogs on a car ride - to holler out more delusional insults. Many were based in their Jehovah's Witness background if that says much.

In the end, my family, neighbors, and I all rallied at a local neighborhood bar, and all was well. We haven't heard much since... yet.

TL;DR: Jehovah done witnessed some batshit insane tomfoolery in a chapel.

/r/AskReddit Thread