Exactly! I feel guilty like I'm the bad guy, but then when I suggest maybe we're just looking for different things, he thinks I'm overreacting. I feel like I'm just a filler in his life sometimes, like I'm playing the girlfriend role, but I don't actually matter and neither do my opinions. I've been wondering lately why I don't want to have sex with him (I usually have a really high sex drive) and this is it.

I just don't feel valued. It feels like one thing happens right after another, all small things that aren't bad on their own but add up to underline how little he values me as a person. I don't even want to try anymore. I'm tired of talking to him about it. I just keep thinking, "I want my old life back," and "I've made a huge mistake."

It feels like every decision I make is based on what he wants and what's best for our relationship... from only keeping the furniture and things he said we had room for when I moved in with him... to the color of my hair... to where I'm going to work when I graduate. I saw these things as compromises for a happy relationship, but he won't even bother to tell me if he's having someone over after I've asked for a day alone. This weekend he shaved his face into mutton chops directly after I said I wouldn't like that. (Definitely not something I would've gone for if we had just started dating.) He said it was just for the weekend and he'd shave them on Monday, but guess what... they're still there. Does it matter at all to him if I'm attracted to him? Or if I trust his word? This is twice in 2 weeks he has said one thing but then ended up doing whatever he wants.

I helped plan a surprise party for him on his birthday even though that's not my thing and I had only been dating him a few months at that point, but 4 months later he didn't even want to go with me to dinner with my friends for mine. But I see his friends at least once a week. I think he's just really self absorbed and used to doing what he wants. It's painful and scary to think about breaking up though. I don't know what to do, but I want something different and I don't think he's ever going to take me into account the way I feel like I do him. I just want something different. Basically, I guess I need to break up with him and I have for a while, but I'm afraid it's a mistake, so I keep waiting to see if things go back to how they were in the beginning.