A few reasons 1.) I was in a relationship for just shy of 3 years. We both had some toxic traits and ultimately my heart was broken. I lost my best friend, lover, and soul mate. 2.) Afterward I started partying extremely hard at university, I withdrew and admitted myself into recovery. 3.) since I became sober (4 years ago) I haven’t learned to deal with my social anxiety. I also struggle with my self esteem, I’m unhappy with my career and struggle with opening up. I’ve also developed a porn addiction. In conclusion I think I’ve given up in a sense. I’ve been intimate with two women since I got sober and both relationships I ended, because I’m still not over my ex. :(