This is also me. 27 year old male. I don't watch anime or play video games though. I moved back home 5 years ago, trying to get my act together ever since. I live in a remote place and I don't have much human contact, not even over the internet. Never had a girlfriend or anything like that.
I spend my days learning computer things, I love software development and such, but I could not yet come up with anything that makes money. I hate every day leeching off my parents. They hate seeing me like this.
As ashamed I'm about it I think at some point I kind of gave up and settled for this in exchange for comfort and certainty. I kind of snapped 5 years ago and tried to commit suicide, I'm not sure I ever got over that. I kind of lost it. There is no reason why should I be like this, I just am. Couldn't die, but never started living. Kind of stuck here in a limbo between death and life. The only reason I take care of my body and don't waste too much of my time for useless things because this way it's more comfortable for me to look into the mirror and lie every day that I'm doing everything I can to regain my life. I'm going to write this app, get that job, be this guy and that guy and all of these fantasies. The funny thing is that I may, because I do work on stuff. It's just I could do much more, much better, but I'm really torn between the whole live or die idea. And the clock is ticking. I really, really should make a decision and get busy doing either of those instead of fantasising about it.
My social skills aren't even that bad, or they did not use to be. But yeah after 5 years I can't even imagine connecting with anyone. Again, I choose this for some stupid reason. And the loneliness really makes you crazy, we are not wired to be like this. The silence can be very deafening sometimes. Surrounded by high walls you kind of sink deep into an ocean of personal hell.
My days suck, really, they are, I'm very stupid. I move my miserable body around everyday, I eat healthy food and never drink anything but water for some stupid reason. I really enjoy torturing myself, playing the you deserve this game. I don't deserve nice things, so I don't get them. I don't even deserve sitting on a chair, I have to work for it. You think this would be the perfect receipt for great career given the workaholism, but somehow no. Half the time I just imagine myself living. I also fantasize about having a sex life, but that's kind of a fucked up area of my life. I was abused for years, it kind of left it's mark. It would be awesome if I could just be asexual, because I really just don't want to do anything with it. The whole thing is a permanent source of confusion for me.
And somehow this clusterfuck can be fixed I know. I just have to figure out how.