Used to be I didn't like being alive anymore but didn't want to hurt my family, friends, etc with my death. So in that period my life was basically ruled by suicidal thoughts and thoughts of 'despair' I guess. The only person that knew was my free (european uni, huraa) therapist. Atm it's down to relativly short existencial crisises and whenever an "easy occasion" arrises for suicide (like a lorry passing by), so from time to time those items resurface. Right now the biggest issue is that I think my life is pointless compared to humanity/the cosmos, and I'm still trying to find a way to cope with it, together with my therapist. Welt nice to type, even if it's to random strangers who wont even read it. The secret is that my gf has brealy any idea about those things.

tl;dr emotional issues, gf has next to no idea about the extend

Pre-edit: I know I should confide in my gf, but it's just to hard to explain over and over again. Pre-edit II: Grammar and spelling mistakes might've occured. Not a native speaker so downvote if you want. Don't card