My greatest fear was losing my mind until it happened.

About half a year ago I had psychotic break, this my mom and my girl friend know, but they don't really know the existent of how I felt and how crazy I actually went.

It was mostly extreme paranoia. I thought my food was being poisoned. I though I was being stalked by a secrete gov. organization that my computer was being remote viewed. I thought people in my life where in on everything. That my friends were spies and hated my guts. When I went to impatient I never felt more trapped. Everyone their was in on it and all the other patients where agents as well. Everyone's behavior was suspect. I felt like I was being tortured. I accepted my fate and that made things easier. They had these headsets with the radio on them and I would listen to that sometimes but I felt like they where trying to implant subliminal messages in me. When a song called "suicide saturday" came on I freaked the fuck out. I thought they were going to kill me. My mind made connects that weren't there. I thought that they where going to frame me for a terrorist attack.

I didn't tell the doctors shit and I don't regret that because I would of been kept there longer, I said what everyone I thought wanted to hear. When I went back home I was still afraid of dying. Then I was afraid I was developing schizophrenia. I was regained composer after about a month and stopped taking medication after about 3 months. It was probably the most traumatic experience of my life. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but I'm glad happened to me. I got to face my biggest fear and bounce back. I don't think it's going to come back the events leading up to it were what I think caused it, not anything internal.

I'm going to tell my girlfriend about everything soon too, but there is just so much if I went into detail I could probably write a book about it.