Smoking. I am so tired of it. Last April I came off of Wellbutrin and boom, smoking like a chimney. As this year comes to an end, I'm thinking more about quitting. I'm going to list a few things that are onerous and, in the process, hopefully become more mindful of them.
1) I'm tired of having to hide it because I'm not supposed to smoke in my apartment. So I have water in my ashtray to try to mitigate the smell, and I dump the butts into a heavy-duty baggie that seals and I put that baggie into another heavy-duty baggie that seals, so the butts don't smell. I store it under the sink until it's full and I put it into a paper bag and take it to a big store and dump it in the trash can there. I'm sure my apartment could smell worse, but it still smells. I also have to be super careful not to keep my front door open for too long lest the smoke smell waft into the hallway and get me busted.
2) I keep my window open year-round, which is causing my heating bill to go up.
3) I keep my bedroom door closed so my bedroom doesn't get smoke-smell in it.
4) The empty packs go into another paper bag in my car that gets dumped at various gas stations when I fill up.
5) $8.50 every two days or so.
6) Can't sneeze first thing in the morning without feeling like my lungs are going to explode afterward.
7) Cranky if I don't get a smoke after a few hours.
8) My car also smells.
9) I'm sure I'm doing damage to my body. Increased risk for cancer, stroke, breathing problems. I don't care to be dependent upon a drug (nicotine) in any form, but I could switch to e-cigarettes I suppose.
10) Tired of running my life around smoking. Get up, gotta have coffee and a smoke (somewhere). Get in the car, gotta have the window down to smoke (even in winter) so it's cold. Going on a plane, gotta plan the nicotine thing. At lunch I have to walk a ways so I can hide behind some bushes and smoke. I'm sure I smell like smoke but I can't smell it.
Just. So. Over. It.
My boyfriend smokes, too. It's hard to be around him when I'm not smoking. That's an excuse, but it's true.