Later to the party but here goes:

I am sitting in my office when I hear someone run down the hallway. A few seconds later there is some commotion and it sounds like my assistant is kind of getting loud.

Before I can get up to see what happened, she comes in and explains to me the following: A flower delivery guy had just delivered some flowers to our office and then asked if he could use our bathroom. Apparently, he really had to go, because he took off running down the hall...in the midst of explosive diarrhea which was so bad it came out of his shorts and was now literally streaked down the hall way all the way to the bathroom like a brown trail of breadcrumbs, if breadcrumbs were instead diarrhea.

I take a look and go back to myself wondering how are we even supposed to handle this... shit. Turns out, I didn't need to worry about it.

Just as quickly, if not quicker, we hear the delivery driver, in his embarrassment, trying to get down the hallway and out the door before anyone can acknowledge what just happened. My assistant, who was a bit of an odd duck, was not having any of this and stopped him and chastize him about the need to clean up after himself.

Then proceeds ten minutes of shame of this guy, futilely trying to clean his shit out of a carpet, while my assistant watches him like a hawk with other people in the office like what the Hell happened.

I go out there and he is basically just smearing it into the carpet more with his shoe, clearly at the lowest point in his life, but at the same time it is really not our responsibility to clean it up. It's decided that I will call and speak to the manager of the flower company and work it out with them so that he can just leave.

I call over there, and try to professionally and calmly explain what just occurred, and acknowledge how awkward it is, but that the gentlmen was very nice and I feel bad for him but it does need to be cleaned up. In midst of arranging for them to send a clean up company to take care of the "situation," the flower shop manager makes the first shit pun. And then her and I just went on from there, like horrible people, riffing on the shitty situation, etc., until we are dying laughing on the phone.

Luckily the clean up crew took care of everything, but I will never forget that fateful day. He took his life afterward, but I think he really died of embarrassment.

Okay, but everything except that last sentence is true.