I'm a little late to this - but I have a story that usually makes people laugh.
SO, there's a cute girl in one of my Political Sciences classes at uni, hadn't talked to her much but decided to strike up a conversation. Things go well, a couple study sessions later and I ask her out to an a capella concert... she says yes clutch
So the night of the date comes - we go up into the building where the concert is at and I'm feeling kinda nervous (I had been running practice drills on my stuffed dog to keep in shape) but things go well.
So the shape of the building is kinda crucial for this story, it had a stage where they would sing, then a balcony on the second floor that was shaped like a "U" surrounding the protruding stage.... we were on the balcony. Thing is there's only 1 staircase up, and it leads both outside and inside the building to the first floor.
So they start singing - I'm getting comfortable with this girl - things are going well. Until I start to feel a little weird in my stomach (I thought it was just nervousness paired with the greek food I had eaten earlier) BUT NO it was like the tempest of the ages was rocking my insides - except the tempest was kanye west trying his kanye best to get of my body and kanye west was my stomach fluids.
So I excuse myself and start heading down the stairs - and it was at that point I realized I was gonna chog. And not just a normal chog - a chog so powerful that it shook the confines of my soul. I started throwing up in my hand as I was walking down the stairs, and ran through the door to the outside and threw up over the stairs into my bushes. SO MUCH THROW-UP. VOLUMINOUS. JUST A PILLAR OUT OF MY MOUTH. not clutch
But I felt so much better afterwards and nothing had gotten on my tie or nice clothes that I was wearing. clutch
Washed my self off and headed back inside to m'lady and told her the bathroom lines were long (I have a way with words). Put my arm around her and everything was right with the world... for the time being. Feeling like a champ.
30 minutes later as the concert was winding down, I felt stir of a thousand river-dancers pounding my colon... I knew my time had come once again.
I excused myself and headed for the stair well, this time I didn't make it down. I started throwing up in my hand I was rushing down, it was just awful... just a trail of vomit leading to my inevitable rail-keeling-stomach-heaving experience at the bottom of the stairs. Felt better. Vomit was on my shirt. And to top all of this off, this was the last song of the concert and there was a trail of vomit leading to my VERY LOCATION. DEFCON 5. BUTT CLENCH. HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM.
So I zipped up my jacket to conceal the vomit on my shirt and tie and rushed through the concert to get paper towels from the bathroom. Furiously cleaning the vomit on the stairs pushing it under the stair well and praying that those damn pitchy chorus boys keep enough air in their lungs to hold off the peds about to walk down the stairs to find my trail of tears. not clutch
Well, I clean it all up (or as much as I could) and head back up to the stairs right as the show ends. "Wow the bathroom lines were sure long again" as bullshit flows from my mouth. not clutch
Well for some reasons she continues to entertain me and we walk back to her dorm room. She asks me to go out afterwards and I politely decline (things would sure get messy) and we arrive at the outside of her dorm.
She comes in for the pity hug (as this date had to have been awful for the both of us) and once more I hear the rumblings of the a didgeridoo's vibrations inside my colon. I START THROWING UP AS SHE COMES IN FOR THE HUG.
I put my hand over my mouth and start running away behind a building and throw up in a bush.
Turns out I had norovirus and it came out both ends 6 more times before the end of the night. Can't stand tzatziki sauce to this day.
Only saw this girl briefly in my political science class - never spoke to her one on one again.
TL;DR: Got norovirus during a date - threw up in a girls vicinity twice, started throwing up in front of her a third time while running away. Didn't talk to her again.