Hurt my cat.

I was mentally ill and should have gone to therapy but didn’t. I had serious anxiety/self image issues that led me to act hysterical/aggressive when triggered.

When I came home from somewhere I expected my cat to come and greet me (he sometimes did), but that time he didn’t. I decided to take it personally and got very angry at him because “he didn’t love me enough”.

I took him and shook him and threw him on the floor.

That of course terrified him to bits and he hid Under a table and looked at me in fear.

When I realized what I just did I was horrified. I was scared of what was and what other things I could end up doing. So I swore no matter what no matter how I felt I’d never never never hurt someone who is smaller than me and innocent.

I tried to apologize and calm him down but he’d run away from me in fear. I was just sitting there crying and hating myself next to my cat (he stopped running away when I started crying).

It took me a couple of months to rebuild the trust with my him. He now actually loves me even more than my husband and sometimes even comes to sit on my lap when I’m working (which he never does to my husband).

That was a year ago. I’ve never hurt anyone him ever anymore, not other animals.

I don’t think I’ll ever forget what I did.

I think in that moment I realized how bad my condition has actually gotten and it helped me to get a grip on reality. I never told my husband what happened, he’s probably divorce me if I did.

Feel free to tell me that I’m a monster. I kind of am.

I am mostly recovered now, still haven’t gone to therapy but will as soon as I have some money.